Some Less Romantic Similes to Avoid...

1. Our love baked up like a  59-cent can of buttermilk biscuits.

2. His place had the distinct flavor of musty old men sitting around drinking coffee in worn-out flannel shirts.

3. Trying to carry on a consistent conversation with my wife compares to how fond I am of folding a fitted sheet fresh from the dryer.

4. The faded pink Port-O-Jons lined up in a row squatted in the sun and seemed to be the perfect Barbie stalls.

5. Catching a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror, old Sam was appalled at how he looked now like the bad hot dog he had at the convenience store today.

6. I have to admit seeing her after all these years, she looked a lot better in her sophomore picture. 

7. Online dating is like digital pictures...you hope it turns out to be a good one, can quickly find out for sure; if not, you can easily delete him and there's still room for more.

8. She makes me feel lively like a Mayfly with an extended 2-week lifespan.

9. Her last blind date reminded her of polyester because he was just a genuine and all over her like a cheap suit.*

10. Men can relate to those holiday blow-up lawn ornaments...we're all at once lighted up and all action in the night-time, then come morning we seem deflated as those unplugged plastic soldiers slain and lying about all over the battle lawn of love.

*Thanks to Kris Wyman for this.