Top Ten Reasons You Are Better Off Not Being at Walmart's Black Friday Tonight

10. Your camo-colored shorts are dirty and in the wash.

9. You'd rather be here hanging out at the bowling alley bar & grill.

8. Probably, the pharmacy is closed and you can't get a prescription filled.

7. Maybe this year you might decide to buy American for Christmas for a change instead of Chink.

6. You hear this year the Salvation Army has equipped their pots you have to go around on your way both in/out to accept MC or VISA, so you can conveniently swipe your credit card.

5. The thought of all those falling prices around you reminds you of that bad wallpaper job you just did in the master bathroom.

4. Your borrowed mother-in-law's handicapped parking hanger expired this time last year and you're suspicious of Walmart's version of valet parking using a local Boy Scout troop.

3. It never fails that the Self Serve Checkout machine won't scan the bag bar code of anything and the line builds embarrassingly behind you.

2. The idling AMT ambulance and fire truck out front make you a bit wary, as well as, the creepy Wall of Lame pictures at the store's entrance honoring the senior Walmart greeters lost in the line of duty.

And the No. 1 Reason: You still have 30 days to go and know you'll wind up just getting some of those wonderful impersonal reloadable blue Walmart gift cards anyway--"It's the gift that keeps on giving!"