Love at First Slight

What impressionable 10-year old guy wouldn't want that Gas-Powered P-40 Flying Tiger! All I had to sell was 12 boxes of greeting cards, my choice: Junior Sales Club of America All Occasion Cards or Christmas Cards. Boys belonging to a club in those days was a big thing and these guys made it sound like you were joining one. Join J.S.C.A. America's Leading Sales Club for Boys. The B&W ad on the slick back page of my comic book said, "For Prizes Out of this World at No Cost--or Cash Profit...Quick, Easy, and Fun...Mail this Coupon Today!" I could order 12 or 20 boxes to start--I just needed enough for the plane, but so what? Just as God is My Co-Pilot, off I went into the wild blue yonder and ordered a case of 20 boxes! My mom bought one and my aunt. My neighbors cringed when they saw me coming up the sidewalk toting the case of cards...seems like another 4 boys had been by earlier that week selling the same stuff! I disappointingly never did get to own or fly that gas plane, and when I was forced to return the cards at our expense, I left a note inside suggesting that they change their ad to read, "Sell Them to All Your Relatives!"

You'd think one lesson and I'd learn. When I first saw these cute Sea-Monkeys, I fell immediately in love and just had to have a family of them like was shown in the comic book. "Own a Bowl Full of Happiness...Instant Pets! So Eager to Please, They Can Even Be Trained" and only for $1.25, the colored ad said. The cost was for postage and processing all the way from Fifth Avenue, New York City. Actually, it listed all the things you got free and included in the kit:

1. A ONE-YEAR SUPPLY of GROWTH FOOD
2. LIVING PLASMA
3. WATER PURIFIER
4. A magnificent, fully illustrated manual of Sea-Monkey care, raising, training, and breeding
5. Our famous GROWTH GUARANTEE IN WRITING 

 The Sea-Monkeys soon came and hatched as little swimmers swimming around my fish bowl, happy to be alive and free of plasma pack! At least for a while...they didn't do too well in Texas. I gave them plenty of food? They all went dormant again before I could even train them! Funny, they didn't look like monkeys at all? Some smart (and Alec) kid at school burst my bubble one day, "Stupid! They're brine shrimp!"

At that young age, I promised myself never to be tricked in love again. I would only order something I knew was safe and sure from the comic books. There it was one day: 
204 Revolutionary War Soldiers only $1.98   "Every piece of pure molded plastic --each on its own base. Two complete armies---the British redcoats and the American blue coats. Relive again the famous battles of the American Revolution; form your own battle lines--Hours of fun for the whole family! Rush Coupon Today." This one had a Long Island address...all these toys and stuff seem to come from New York or something? I guess they had a long factory there cranking out kid items for sale.
Here's is what I got: 36 Dragoons (cavalrymen), 12 Shooting Infantrymen, 12 Marching Infantrymen, 12 Crouching Infantrymen, 12 Fifers, 12 Charging Infantrymen, 12 Sharpshooters, 12 Field Cannon, 12 Cannon Loaders, 12 Drummers, 12 Minutemen, 24 Mohawk Indians, 12 Officers, 12 "Messian" Troops. Why a dozen of each, you ask? Twelve was suppose to be a perfect number of Jehovah...must have been a Jewish business.
They appeared larger than life on the colored comic book page and I was expecting them to come in the mail the size of a suitcase...Well, as it turned out, all 204 pieces fit in a small shoe box! They weren't like the packs of green army men pegged up at the grocery store. Theses were 2-D "flat" skinny molded creations in red and blue plastic...funny looking cannons, but my friend Albert and I combined our armies and laid them out anyway and had hours of fun for the whole family!