No Thanks!

To the following requests, suggestions, and subtle hints, I politely say: "No thanks!"

In the crammed car with two kids 5 hours (one way) to Grandma's house we go.
Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade from start to finish.
Have ham and sweet potatoes instead of turkey and dressing this year.
Want to work retail on Black Friday the first frenzied shopping day after Thanksgiving.
Stand up the whole Longhorn game like a good ol' Aggie and score a kiss with the wife.
Like to eat Thanksgiving dinner on a picnic bench in a t-shirt, shorts, and sandals.
Eat a cold left-over turkey sandwich for Saturday's lunch.
Go to get that last-minute item and wade into the Wednesday wall-to-wall shoppers at the grocery store.
How about a game of croquet out on the front lawn instead of touch football.
Best taste to boil that beautiful turkey brown in peanut oil instead of baking it hours.
Help with washing the dishes after the family feast while the women watch the game on TV.
Know that the in-laws are staying through the weekend because they're retired. (add "Lord")
Rather take a walk or a nap than catch the traditional game between the Bears vs Lions.
Care to carve the turkey or to say the blessing over the dressing.
Need to walk it off this afternoon instead of taking a turkey-induced autumn's nap.
Put the small squirmy, messy kids at the same large table with all of us starving adults.
Leave work early Wednesday to drive in traffic and half the night to where the feast will be.
Want a dark-meated drumstick instead of a sumptious slice of the bird's breast.
Another piece of pumpkin pie with some whipped cream on top...(I will, thanks!)