mean

every thing is meaningless as the teacher said. you're too nice, not mean enough, as he says. was it always said you haven't the mind and means or the drive to survive? while always she says one thing and means another. look for a r-out-e you can take, they say. where that leads will never be what you really want. meaning you're at an end, so begin again. 

-less

homeless - no hope for feeling at home anymore
careless - to suffer true loss or personal injury
speechless - shocked at one's words and actions
mindless - only of the ordinary mundane appearances
clueless - what you never thought would ever be
heartless - an attack and lingering ache of the worst kind    
reckless - abandon all affections for the safety of the sure
fearless -  no love adventured, nothing lost in vain     
defenseless - a most vulnerable spot:  the unshielded soul
harmless - a sensitivity handicap to start with   
loveless - not that one loves less,  more that one has less of love


 

the slow burn of lime and coal

This is a valley of ashes--a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally, with a transcendent effort, of ash-gray men who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air. 
- The Great Gatsby

the white wasteland of the plant where i once worked
everywhere powdery like a summer's snowfall
lime & sweat: a chemical burn to any exposed skin
around naked wrists between glove and long sleeves
along seams of face & neck not helmeted or masked
the same slow burn as coal which fuels the furnace hot
roasting the revolving kiln cooking the crushed limestone
the jet black belt conveying coal to the behemoth bins
is in contrast to the limey landscape
mixes dull and gray where dust meets 
  

May 4, 1971

May 4, 1971

Sitting alone in the dorm room tonight,
The Who song "Bargain" is on the stereo.
Last exam was today, heading homeward in the morning.
This freshman first year at SFA's just about shot to hell.
Guess I made a mess of things here at school and there as well.
Looking back now on this year and the last,
the girls and the things that followed never meant the same to me.
The two proms meant nothing--they were just events is all.
The time I had with her then and when was as the song says...the best I ever had. 
I hoped she would know by now...
I wish I could tell her so.

perhaps a proverb

i thought the little songbird out my window superior to me
armed to do more harm than he winged of this world
he is involved in a real survival during the day
an immediacy driving him to pursue and produce   
as lighter and so sees the wider--longer view when above 
bound by gravity, but escaping to tree, post, or wire
seems to enjoy flight more than foraging for seed or worm
and unlike us, gracious in morning praise or passing storm

Another Look at a Book

I'd read it already, but I wanted to read certain parts over again. - Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye

I don't much like Thomas Hardy except in certain places in certain books of his. One scene I continue to return to is found right toward the end of Tess of the D'Urbervilles. The imagery and symbolism is overwhelming to the senses: it's when the four refugee characters, making their way over part of the vast and perilous Salisbury plateau, suddenly encounter something rising out of the Plain before them... 

became conscious of some vast erection close in front, rising sheer from the grass. They had almost struck themselves against it. 
******************
 "What monstrous place is this?"
"It hums...Hearken!"
******************
Tess drew her breath fearfully...
"What can it be?"
******************
"A very Temple of the Winds."
******************
 "It is Stonehenge!"
"The heathen temple, you mean?"
"Yes. Older that the centuries; older than the d'Urbervilles!"
******************
But Tess, really tired by this time, flung herself upon an oblong slab close at hand, and was sheltered from the wind by a pillar. Owning to the action of the sun during the preceding day, the stone was warm and dry, in comforting contrast to the rough and chill grass around, which had damped her skirts and shoes.
******************
"I think you are lying on an altar."

You and I

You--          I--

run              stumble

make          lose

declare       ask

know          realize

see              fail

command  follow

possess      borrow

rise             fall

dance         sit

save           bet

preach       pretend

have          hope

win            give